Dress down. Dress poor. Look poor. In fact look like shit. You will be less hassled and everyone’s starting price will be way lower than another posh looking foreigner. Dress baggy, dress for the temple. Wear nothing that contours your body, hugs any curves or shows any hint of boobs. The more unattractive the better. No perfume, no accessories, no make up. I’m serious! Think – my most unflattering version of me.
Develop a fuck off face.
Reserve the golden retriever friendly happy look with other foreigners.
(dude on the left is local friend I made. A chef! His wife is on the far right.)
Trust no one in India. This is not from me. It’s the same advice from many Indian friends. Trust no one. No, really. Trust no one. It might take u a few cons to believe this but… trust no one in India.
Of course unless you have observed and concluded they are fine moral specimen of the human species (I met plenty, one of whom is in picture above).You usually can’t trust those you need while travelling. Anything that involves an exchange of your money to their pockets. Be skeptical just to establish you are not to be trifled with, then loosen up a little.
Delhi
There is only ONE government tourist office in Delhi. 88 Janpath road. Only!!!
Tuk tuks
1. Check out how many km away your guesthouse is before facing a tuk tuk driver. It’s approximately 10-12 rs per km.
2. Bargain. Be fierce. You won’t be labelled scary evil bitch. They find a fierce woman funny. Do the walking away thing. You have to. It’s a whole Indian tuk tuk bargaining show. Got to go through it every single time.
Or just suggest the use of the tuk tuk meter.
3. Tuk tuk drivers taught me a lot about inner peace and patience. Mostly patience with myself. It also taught me how to read a face. All tuk tuk drivers will rip you off. All. They might rip you off by 50 rs or 10rs. It’s simple. First know your distance (once again, it’s approximately 10-12 rs per km) and how much you should be paying, then bargain for it. If his price is ridiculous and he looks like an evil man who beats his wife every night, walk away. If his price is ridiculous and you got it down by 20rs and he looks like a regular man trying to earn a living, make peace with it, and accept the ride. Always keep in mind there is no way any one of them earns more than 1/4 of what you earn, and if they rip you off by 50cents, so be it. No need to get angry because anger hurts way more than 50cents is worth.
Tuk tuk mini tip:
Eat AFTER a tuk tuk ride. This applies to the whole of India. For any ride lasting more than 5 minutes.
Trains
Check your route in advance. If you want a first ac, second ac, third ac train on a popular route (example delhi-agra-varanasi), book in advance. Advance means a month before. Might be able to get away with 3 weeks before. Don’t even bother with the wait list. It’s crazy enough dealing with India, you don’t need the heart attack involved with fighting for a spot. Being on the wait list involves arriving at the train station hours earlier, waiting with a ton of other wait list passengers and shoving your way to the front of the queue to grab a ticket should it free up. It’s first shove/grabs. Not worth it. This was advice given to me by the train station man!
When booking tickets at the train station, bring your passport. Without your passport, there is absolutely no way you will be able to book a ticket. You need your passport and not driving license or id card for the page containing your Indian visa.
Alternatively you can do it online. I personally think online is a much bigger hassle. But that’s me. http://www.seat61.com
Sleeper class:
I only travelled on sleeper class or general seat carriages. Non AC! The best. This was during the monsoon so it does pour with rain and you’ll have to shut the windows. What I love about sleeper class trains is the direct connection to outside. Connection as in the way the outside scenery smells, the way the breeze feels on my face, the temperature. It’s not always pleasant, but it’s raw, it’s real. The first time I took an overnight sleeper train on my own I was terrified and mentally prepared to maul anyone who so much as touched my toes. Fret not. Train station people usually have 2 tourist seats set aside for foreigners. Chances are you’ll (if alone) be placed with another lone foreigner and voila, the 2 of you can feel safe with each other.
Once on the train, Do:
1. keep your rain cover on your backpack even though the sun is shining and India is well out of the monsoon. Fellow passengers could very well spill chai, coffee, various food on your bag. Put rain cover on and face backpack down.
2. Arrive earlier and shove your bag all the way inside, underneath the seats. Passengers who arrive afterwards will shove their bag outside your bag, thus protecting it from potential bag pickers.
Train tips:
1. During rush hour when the trains are packed to the brim and people are spilling out, it IS possible to get on the carriage. Yes, with your humongous backpack. PUUUSH. SHOVE or you’ll never get where you need to go. No one will get angry 🙂 it’s just the way it is.
2. If you arrive early at the train station/train is late, confirm it’s platform and departure time, then go hide in a waiting room or canteen. If you’re lucky, they will be ac and not cramped. Much better than waiting at your platform. Hide from what? Beggars. If you wait at the platform, beggars will come and you will be swamped. There’s also a chance someone will snatch and steal your bags.
At train counters:
Ladies, toughen up and shove your way to the front of the counter. It’s usually a tiny squash of about 4 men jostling for forms, questions, etc. Jostle back. PUUUSH. SHOVE. Catch the eye of the person behind the counter and start jostling. You have to or you’ll stand there all day. The men just keep cramming in from the sides. If you have to, yell your question from the corner of the side you are jostled into. They will answer. At the payment counter, shove some notes through the little mouse (it looks like the entrance to Jerry’s (of Tom and Jerry) home!) window to show them you want to pay now now now. They won’t get angry. You can’t be too soft or polite in India. You’ll never get anywhere.
General tips:
1. Always confirm the price for anything that involves an exchange of goods and rupees. Even if you think you know how much it SHOULD cost. This applies to tuk tuk rides, all street food, discounts bargained for in guesthouses.
2. They love their music and will blast it anywhere and everywhere. They also love scratching their balls, staring you up and down and up and down some more. Get used to it! Remember that everything in India is an incredible lesson for life. There is a fine balance between being ready to maul and not allowing hiccups to raise your blood pressure and ruin your day. Use logic and use compassion.
3. You will not die on crazy bus journeys. 33 million gods are watching over u. If you really feel like you might die, take deep breaths, close your eyes and try to fall asleep. Logically deduce that if you do die, you will not waste the current moment fretting about it. Focus on the breeze, and think about your poor nerves and maintaining a healthy blood pressure. India is awesome for learning how not-to-give-a-fish’s-ass. In other words, to relax in situations out of your control.
4. At most atms you can’t withdraw more than 10000 rupees at a time.
5. Quite a few guesthouses don’t allow washing in your room. I do it anyway. Bring a long cord and some pegs for making a makeshift clothes line. Otherwise nearly all guesthouses have washing services for 15-20 rupees per piece of clothing (at some cheapo places that rate applies even for a tiny piece of underwear)
6. It’s a privilege to be short. Or you’ll hit your head, bang your knees (bouncy tuk tuk rides) and will be too long for sleeper train berths.
7. Fret not. Cows seem large but won’t bite, kick, stab you with their horns. Ever. They DO have the right of way so if you are stationary, move out of their way. They are solid animals. Will squash.
Beggars:
It’s totally debatable. On one hand logic goes, I’ll be perpetuating this beggar business if I give this scruffy child some money, I won’t be doing other foreigners a favour if I give, what if they come asking for more, etc. True and all valid. On the other hand, if your heart aches when you see a tired crooked old person, a skinny hopeful young child, a cripple, just give what you want. It’s ok.
India. In my honest opinion, is the best place to develop inner peace. It’s also great practise for ‘reading’ honesty in people. I had an incredible experience.
RANDOM:
Something amusing I saw while watching Indian mtv in jaipur –
“is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for. ”
“good thing I have my library card. Coz I’m totally checking you out.”
“your email address must be beautifulgirl@mydreams.com”
“you must be windows 95 because you are making me unstable”
🙂
Cherry Red Shoes 