Once upon a 630am in Cambodia

This morning at 6am I got myself an iced coffee (Cambodians love their iced coffee. It’s mega sweet and tastes like chocolate. Strong stuff.) sat by the river and observed.

(I heart sunrises)

Children rode past on their bicycles to school. The central market was getting set up for business. Fruit stalls going up, people getting the big umbrellas out for the hot mid day sun. It wasn’t noisy, it wasn’t chaotic. I got the sense that they were just doing what they had to do. There was a lively sleepy buzz, if you know what I mean.

One major difference I’ve observed between Cambodians and Singaporeans is…they are not always on their phone.

They lay around a lot. They talk to each other, pick each other’s hair (in the villages. There were always nits in their hair!), lie across benches, lie across their motorcycles or tuk tuks. Alone or with company, they are rarely ever with a phone.

I think it’s nice.

So I sat and sipped in silence.

It was very nice. Just me, battambang, iced coffee, and a content heart.

May everyone out there have time to sit and just…be.

Fear and Falling

Once upon a time in Thailand, in a true blue traditional forest monastery in the hills of Udon Thani, where no one speaks English and everyone has devoted their life to being Buddhist nuns and monks, where you won’t find a hint of fake touristy intentions, where people with nothing offer you everything they have – biscuits, soya milk, the rare chocolate bar, with the purest of smiles on their faces and in their hearts…yes they smile with their heart…I sit in meditation. The only sound is that of birds chirping in the forest that surround the meditation hall. I have picked a shady spot to sit. There are a few others meditating in the large open meditation hall. There is nothing disturbing me. All is calm, quiet. I am surrounded by peace and good people.

I have never felt worse. Outside I looked serene but inside…I have never felt angrier or more frustrated. I am overcome by the ugliest feelings. Hate, contempt, fear. I am so angry. I am so scared! What on earth!! Where is this all coming from? In that quiet, beautiful thai monastery I was horrified at all this stuff that was coming out. All the years of fear and anger, unblocked, surfacing and freaking me out.

So. Fear.

The other day, during another pretty sunset at varkala beach, Chris was practising handstands and told me to join him. I was scared. Irrational. Totally. But it’s now or never! Don’t leave it to yoga teacher training! So we fell. The whole sunset.

One leg in the air, kick… Up!

Hover, hover

Drop!

Ahhhh… Splat.

Ok up again.

Aahhhhhhhhh

I went splat a lot. I squealed a lot too. First I fell flat on my back. My skull vibrated when I fell, something like a gaaaannnng. Thank goodness for sand. I’d lie there for a while. But not so oww. Up and again. And again and again. It got funny after some time, but was always that little bit scary.

Come on fear! It’s you and me!

Rawr.